Make a personal contact. This is the first thing that a counsellor must do because before he or she conduct a counselling process. It is important to have a personal contact with the counselee not just of physical contact but of something deeper. It is an encounter or meeting of one’s persona to another persona. It also sets the mood of guidance and counselling process. In life, we cannot just start very quickly. When we are down, we cannot be happy so easily. When we are up, we cannot have it long-lastingly unless we have a firm and fixed idea that would keep us up whatever happen. If we have no personal contact with life, indeed, no trust, no relations, no communications and no fruits will come upon us.
Develop a working alliance. The counsellor and the counselee are two allies which fight on the challenges of life. Both work together. The guidance and counselling process would not become possible if it is just an effort of a one person. The counsellor is the co-journeyer of the counselee. And the counselee is the one who can help the counsellor become more effective. They both interact as they help each other, and there is an important interrelation within them. In life, the same is the case, we need a companion, we cannot do things alone, and we cannot face the giants of life in isolation. We need a co-worker who will assist us not only on things we are unable to do but also on things we can do but seemingly lacking because our self-fulfillment is in them.
Explain counselling to the client. We cannot move forward on things we do not know where we should forward on. It is really important to explain counselling to the client or to the counselee because some might misunderstood it. If it is misunderstood, no progress will happen. In life, if we do not know what we are doing, it is impracticality. It would make our lives more complicated and no development at all. For instance, if we do not know why we are here in the seminary, surely we would not become priest in the future. The seminary would really become a hell for a person. His life would become miserable as if he walks in the darkness and no light even a dim of it.
Clients may find it helpful to know that they are not weak, free of expressing their feelings, very rational and he or she is even the star of the session. It could really help the person is he or she experienced being treated as special in the session. Most of the people if not all are just comfort-seeker. Meaning, if they would just feel that they are important, valued, well-appreciated and consoled by someone or the counsellor, they would surely feel better very simply. Sometimes there are also people who just want to be heard and need of someone who will listen to their grievances, angers, lamentations and complains in life. It is true that sometimes we may feel that life is so unjust, unfair and very biased. When we want to speak, we are able but seemingly unable because we are not being heard. It seems that our thoughts and ideas are senseless. In our family, sometimes we feel the same way, many of us are not comfortable with openness. We just address our issues in many other things such as playing illegal grumblings, drinking alcohols, taking drugs, and even involving ourselves to sexual abuses to tranquil our hurts and deprived feelings. It is also true that people even committing suicide due to loss of hope. And in this sense, it is good to give something positive to our clients as we remind them of their abilities and affirming their strengths.
Pace and lead the client. A counsellor is a leader. He or she could really direct the counselee in the very simple way in terms processing. When he or she leads, he also listens to the client. In fact, we will know whether the counsellor listens and understands the client or not if he or she could able to pace and lead the client. Thus, listening and pacing as understanding means leading. Further, in these two methods, we build rapport to the person. We help them to be open-minded. And it is also helpful to counsellor on how he would manage or lead the client on switching from the present topic to another topic. In life, it is also important to think twice before we move on to another side of the coin. In this sense, we may not become a leader to others’ lives but also we become a leader of our own selves. In here we could be able to lead our life to a more practical way and not making things complicated.
Speak briefly. As a counsellor, we are the one who is expected to listen to our clients. They should be the one who are the star of the session. They should be the one who speaks more than the counselor. As stated above, most of the people just want to have a companion or someone who will listen to them. And so, the problem if the counsellor speaks more than the clients, they would not feel better, or worst, they would feel more burden. They are not able to speak what they really feel about a certain issue as like as their experience in their homes. Simple things yet affect great for them when we respond them like “uh-huh” and other non-verbal gestures. And sometimes those things are enough for them. Surely they would feel that the presence of the counsellor really exist. However, these things are not only applicable to guidance and counselling process but also to everyday life. Sometimes we need not to speak further especially when we commit mistakes to our neighbor, we just to have do what we ought to do. For instance, I once failed to become unfaithful to anybody, I do not have to speak and justify and defend what I have done because in every angle I know I was wrong, so I just have to make efforts to change my life and to convert my wrongdoings to righteous ways. And in this sense, I know that my non-verbal gestures and actions would be enough to manifest my active presence to whom I was mistaken to.
When you do not know what to say, say nothing. This idea is much related to the former. A counselor is not like a superman or like someone that is very omnipotent that he knows everything. He or she is also imperfect. That is why in every session that he or she may encounter, there would come a point that he or she would say nothing. And in that case, it is better to say nothing or just be silent. “Silence is gold” as I learned to our discussions recently. It is also a sign of humility. Nevertheless, in the phenomena of life, sometimes we have to stop and think as we come to the silence of our hearts, because sometimes, it is just the thing we need. Sometimes if we would just speak and speak and see things under us, we are unconscious that we are in a wrong path, and with that, our lives would become more difficult as if it hangs everywhere.
You may confront as much as you have supported. This idea would speak to us the reverse of the idea to the former. On one hand, we have said above that the counsellor is imperfect and still subjected to mistakes whether he or she is professional or not. But on the other hand, the counselee is as the same. Sometimes, clients are very stagnant of what they believe on. Their notion of what is right and wrong is just a relative one. That is why they would still continue do what they lived upon. In our life, we may surely encounter people whose beliefs are very different from ours. I, as a guidance and counsellor and a seminarian as well, more or less know the morality of every actions, it is very challenging for me on how I will face it. Yes there are times that we must respect and show them our empathy and support, but sometimes, we must learn how to confront them, not on violent way but in a more prudent mean. As Christians, we must learn also how to make them realize that their vices and beliefs are not in conformity of what we supposed to believe on-God.
Many things I have learned in our discussions last time and yet not all are written here. But I just want to add something that we must not forget before I end this reflection. We cannot exclude God in guidance and counselling. All things are from him, and so all things must be for him. In the process of life, he is the best one we must first approach before anybody. Surely, he will guide us and tell us something beyond what we expect from any counsellors. Indeed, He is the Divine Guidance and Counsellor for all times. Amen.